Willow is starting to make me weep.

So I woke up this morning to a text from the bestie, sent at 5:30 am.

“Shut up willow smith “fireball” I’m dying right nowwww.”

I still don’t have a grasp on why she was up so early but we didn’t develop a rocky, slightly superficial friendship by asking tons of invasive questions now did we?

I don’t know if any of you have seen Willow Smith’s new video “Fireball” featuring Nicki Minaj but you should. I hate to be the one responsible for assaulting both your eyes and ears today, but someone had to do it. For that, I sincerely apologize.

*Editors note: After a quick Google search I found out that Willow did have another music video released in March 2011 called “21st century girl” and I don’t remember this even coming out or I saw it in March and blacked it out, I don’t know. I remember hearing somewhere that Willow Smith can’t even read or something ridiculous so she probably thinks that 21st century girl is some clothing line made by fashion-forward aliens and she asked her poor assistant to order her 21 pairs of cheetah print leggings from the website that doesn’t exist*

Hype Williams made the video and I kinda consider Hype to be the Samuel L Jackson of music video directors. Like some of Jackson’s films, sometimes he makes completely brilliant shit (i.e. Pulp Fiction) and sometimes he is simply there to collect and check and pay some bills (i.e. Deep Blue Sea, Snakes on a Plane, etc.). Whatever, make your paper boo boo.

This video is CLEARLY going to fall into the latter category. I may personally be over Willow and starting to get over Nicki Minaj but they are both still extremely marketable and more importantly, lucrative. However, this video is absolutely ludicrous in the worst of ways.

For the first 45 seconds I swore I was watching Star Wars or some sort of apocalyptic movie starring Bruce Willis or some other over-the-hill actor.

Enter in Willow2000, complete with metal headgear and all. They kinda ripped off Weezy’s “Fireman” vid a little except that song was awesome and this song is terrible. The sad part is the budget for Weezy’s was probably about $500K LESS than this video and still looked way better and didn’t make me feel like someone just played a practical joke on me after I watched it. I guess that is the difference between having actual talent and being a media marketing tool.

Okkk might as well start with the outfit. Sorry but combining black and yellow cordoroy? leggings, ill-fitting leather gloves, mini-jean-jacket with gold-plated embellishments and the boots that the scary guy that shoveled snow in the first Home Alone movie wore (I secretly have been looking for those EXACT boots) does not a fashionista make. There is a fine line between dressing unique and not caring what people think to just looking like an asshole. Just because you dumpster dove in the back of a Salvation Army doesn’t make you edgy and cool. You just look like you went dumpster diving in the back of a Salvation Army. Sorryboutcha.

I do think she is actually really pretty and give her snaps for working a short hairdo at such a young age, but I just cannot with everything else. She can’t dance (wait, scratch that, we kinda dance the same, so she is a really good dancer) or really even sing that well. She kinda seems like a mini Lady Gaga but her follow-up to her original song is just nahhhhttt cuttin’ it. And sorry but no one should be screaming “Beep Beep” in a song unless you are Aaron Carter circa 2000.

beep beep! Have a good time!

Nicki comes in at about 2:50 with nothing really to say and of course looking like if Reading Rainbow and Hello Kitty had a baby and that baby was a complete asshole. Her face is still money but it gets to a point that you keep dressing cleaaarrllyyy for attention, it just gets to be old news to me. Sorry, but that’s Pop Culture for ya. On to the next one. I guess someone figured if you put two people who are starting to annoy everyone together maybe they would cancel each other out and make a good song and video? FAIL.

overrrrrrr it

There is literally NO concept in the video. All they did was essentially shut down some street in Los Angeles (or rented a studio probs) sprayed the street so it looked wet and told some randos to lip sync and occasionally play with hula hoops.

Great work to all involved.


2 thoughts on “Willow is starting to make me weep.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s