The current state of our economy isn’t all that bad. For instance, if I wasn’t stuck in a per diem job that pays me peanuts I would never have had the motivation to start this blog out of sheer anger and defiance at corporate america’s total “take me for granted” attitude towards me. If you didn’t publicly or secretly hate your job, you wouldn’t be reading this blog, allowing me to bring a little more sarcasm into your already cold and dead heart.
Being the bipartisan that I am, I have decided to look at the terrible economy/job market as a bit of a godsend. If I didn’t quit my salaried job in Pittsburgh (making close to 40K which is incredibly decent there) because I was in a rut and unhappy I wouldn’t have been jumping from assignment to assignment the past year in Massachusetts after the relocation. I never would have found out how much I actually hated working in corporate America because trust me, nothing makes you find out how much you hate something faster than when you get paid dogshit.
If it wasn’t for the economy I never would have decided to go to grad school, ultimately changing my mind after a few months and realizing if I went to grad school I would still be in the same position in 2 years, but in a ton of debt. If it wasn’t for the economy I never would have decided that I ultimately want to go to art school and finally free my creative mind, and work towards a career I could really be myself in.
Now I had a pretty late in life diagnosis of A.D.D. (I always internally knew it was a possibility but because I worked extremely hard to get good grades, no one seemed to really be that concerned about how much harder it was for me to pay attention when it came to analytical things) and like most humans, I went through a plethora of phases, especially when it came to the age-old question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
The following are some that I can recall:
Garbage Man (1990):
My second favorite character on Sesame Street (lagging only to the wonderful, but slightly “challenged” Elmo who I actually named my first cat after) was Oscar the Grouch. My love for this cynical, trash can dwelling monster only seems to foreshadow the cynical, trash can dwelling monster I turned into as an adult. But alas, I loved his attitude. Oscar represented the working man and his indifference to authority and social standards was mesmerizing. I loved him. And my 5-year-old brain truly believed that if I became a Trash Lady we would be best friends and throw banana peels at people all day and that was what true happiness really was.
Plastic Surgeon (1993):
This is probably where you could pinpoint the approximate time I became a little superficial (it’s a pretty standard characteristic of Gemini’s). I somehow figured out that doctors made a lot of money and specifically plastic surgeons really raked it in. I am not sure how I stumbled upon this realization – I don’t believe TigerBeat had a Forbes 100 section, but anyways it is what it is. My superficiality, as it sometimes does, gave way to pure laziness when I soon found out how many years of school it takes to become a doctor. Pass.
As a huge fan of blood, gore and guts I thought being a paramedic would be a good career path. I used to race my friend during blood drives to see who could fill the bag faster and I had suffered more broken bones than the cast of Jackass. I was a tough little kid and figured I could use my expertise to help those less fortunate. I believe the interest was lost when I figured out how little they made and I became privy to the less “glamorous” parts of the job, i.e. ugly, homeless and smelly people.
I was shooting for the stars on this one ya’ll.
Professional Breakdancer/Pool Shark/Acoustic Guitar Player (2003):
These 3 things were on my new year’s resolution list from I would guess 1995-2005 and every year I failed miserably at doing any of them. I would try for about a week and would convince myself that I was the only brown person in the world who didn’t have the breakdancing gene, my involuntary eye twitch prevented me from having the hand-eye-coordination necessary for billiards and my hands were toooo teeny (valid) to properly strum a guitar. These excuses prevented me from ever following through and I finally gave up on my dreams 5 years into the new millennium. Sigh.
Public Relations Exec:
I worked my ass off and went through some of the most trying/fun/emotional/challenging years of my life in undergrad and came out with my Bachelors in media and professional communications and certificate in corporate and community relations. I went to Career Services, met with the socially anxious counselor, went home watched and episode of Sex and the City and decided that I wanted Samantha’s job. Seemed easy enough? She was slutty and got people to like someone else under false pretenses. Easy enough! This idea was good on paper except it was completely unrealistic and nearly impossible to obtain and I didn’t know anyone that was in a high up advertising position, anywhere and it’s really about who you know, not what you can do, which, ironically, is what this particular career is all about.
I do love to wear a pencil skirt and a blazer when I'm feeling successful...
Nearly every writing class and especially Journalism I had in undergrad and even in high school provided me with this almost narcotic-like feeling of escapism – except I never loved it and I was okay, but certainly no where near the best. I hate grammar, my vocab is mediocre at best and sometimes I misspell words and I don’t care. I had a Journalism teacher in undergrad tell me with work I could actually make a good Journalist because if you know me, you know I am not afraid to ask the questions that no one else will and certainly don’t care what the repercussions are. I never LOVED it though, it wasn’t about the money (or lack of) or the notoriety, I just never felt 100% connected to it, it was more of a hobby and seems it always will be.
Comedian (the past 15 years):
Ok, I know humor is subjective and I am no Louis CK, but if you know me, and we are friends, I have made you laugh, A LOT. If someone asked you to describe me in 3 words, I am positive that “funny” will be one of those words. Herein lies the problem; I have pretty bad stage fright. So much so when put on a stage, with people staring at me, all chances of being funny are pretty much nil. I have actually done stand-up before, just to prove it to myself and although I didn’t kill, I didn’t bomb – and I may get back up there someday. I have an ability to entertain pretty much any demographic though, it’s all about reading people and figuring out what your limits are.
Costume Designer/Graphic Designer (2011):
My love of Halloween, dressing/being weird and arts and crafts has always made me wonder if this was something I should pursue. When I was little used to go into my moms makeup case and use my brother as a mannequin to practice making fake gunshot wounds and lacerations on (they came out honestly pretty bad ass for an 6-year-old or anyone). Here’s what I know for a fact. I am creative, I am strange, I think outside the box. I just need the formal training. Recently I decided to apply to art school and figure out exactly what I am supposed to be doing. Now, I can wear my Toms, finish my tat sleeves, not brush my hair if I don’t want to and just.be.me.
Adios soon enough, corporate America 🙂